Hearing the Love Song of God

Have you ever heard a song and thought, wouldn't it be nice if (fill in the blank) was singing it to me?  I know when I was younger, I swooned at the thought of a boy pledging his love to me through song.  Alas, that never happened, save for a dedication or two. 

Tonight was different, however.  At the close of our worship service at church, we sang a song that we have sang collectively on many previous occasions.  I began singing along with everyone else in the room, but before I knew it, tears began to creep into my eyes and I was kneeling on the floor.

Here is the chorus we sang:

"You are the love of my life

You are the hope that I cling to

You mean, more than this world to me

I wouldn't trade You for silver or gold

I wouldn't trade You for riches untold

You are, You are my everything."

(Hillsong United "You Are")

While the rest of the room was pouring their heart out to their Creator, I heard a still small voice, deep within me, whisper "This song is for you."

About now, you might be thinking, "Yeah, right, Michelle.   God doesn't say things like that (nor does He speak to people)."  And, I would have to strongly disagree with you.  He did, indeed speak to me, and much more at that!

As I listened to the harmonies around me, I continued to hear Him speak to me.  I tried to survey the room and as I did, I began to feel a sadness that was not my own.  I began to identify the feeling that someone who is very close to the Lord shared with me and I understood it.  The Holy Spirit was grieving. 

It may sound strange for me to say that when I know, in fact, that the praise of God's people were being lifted up to Him.  But, I heard something much different deep in my soul.  And, here is what He said (which He had me write during the remaining choruses):

” I love you so much that I gave my life for you - the very life of my Son - the very breath of heaven, poured out to redeem you. The words of this world are hollow and fleeting. I want more of you than your lip service. I want your every thought, every emotion, every secret, every worry, every joy, every sorrow, every praise. I love you more than you can ever fathom. "Don't praise me with your lips and dishonor me with your mind, body or spirit. "The very Spirit that rose my Son from the grave lives in you.  Allow Him to move in and through you. "I AM your ever present hope and salvation. "Come and drink from My Well."

 "Oh, if they only knew.  They praise me in one minute, and curse me in the next.  They hold each other to a higher standard than they hold themselves.  Do they not know that I see them?  I see deep within their hearts and they cannot hide from me."

Our pastor had just finished a sermon on finding God in the secret place.  This concept is not new to me as I have been under the teaching of someone who has been groomed in the secret place.  What is the secret place, you ask?  It's the place where you and I meet with God, individually, with no pretense and no filter.  Where our sins are laid bare and our souls are stripped down to their core.  It is the place where God lives in us and through us.  It is where the depth of our relationship with our Heavenly Father is measured against the plumb line of God's righteousness, His grace, and His mercy. 

You and I are at war. . . a war for the very essence of our being. . .a war for our eternal souls.  When do we stop and see that our lives are more than just hollow existences on a blue and green spinning orb?  When do we stop believing the lies of this world and realize that our true worth lies in the eyes of our Creator?  The enemy is powerless without God's divine intervention.  Nothing is outside the reach of God.  While we may  never understand the nature of the battles to which we have been called to fight, we must look to the Author and Finisher of our faith, the very Breath of Heaven, Himself, Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, our Redeemer.  Our peace can only be found in utter surrender to the One who has already won the war and secured our future victory.

I know I've said it before, and I believe it is worth repeating, if you or I were the only one on the earth, Jesus would still have come to save us!  Can you not hear the ache of His heart? 

”I love you so much that I gave my life for you - the very life of my Son - the very breath of heaven, poured out to redeem you. . .I love you more than you can ever fathom."

"I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand.  I and the Father are one.” (John 10:28-30)

God wants to love us.  He has already displayed the ultimate expression of His love for us at the cross.  But, He will not demand it from us.  He is a righteous and just God, who is tender and kind.  He is a gentleman and will not force Himself on a hardened heart.  But, more than anything, God wants us to come to Him, crawl into His arms and finally experience the peace that our soul longs for.  Oh, for our hearts to long for Him as David's did! 

As the deer pants for the water

So my soul longs after you

You alone are my heart's desire

And I long to worship you

You alone are my strength, my shield

To you alone will my spirit yield

You alone are my hearts desire

And I long to worship you

 I want you more than gold or silver

Only you can satisfy

You alone are the real joy giver

And the apple of my eye

 You're my friend and you are my Father

Even though you are my King

I love you more than any other

So much more than anything

(Martin J. Nystrom)

Again, you can read that song from the perspective of the worshiper, longing to commune with his Creator. 

But, if you listen closely, you can hear the Creator softly singing back, "As the deer pants for the water, So My heart longs after you,.You alone are My heart's desire And I long to be loved by you."

Rooted in Momentum

Momentum -" the impetus gained by a moving object."  Well, according to Google's definition, at least. 

But, what about momentum in God?  Have you ever experienced that?  What does that even mean?  Can an unseen God propel us forward in a tangible world?  I know for myself, the answer is an immediate "yes."

As early as the time of Moses, the Lord has moved His people forward.  "Come, I will send you to Pharaoh that you may bring my people, the children of Israel, out of Egypt.”  (Exodus 3:10) This was no ordinary sending. . . first, God called Moses.  When the LORD saw that he turned aside to see, God called to him out of the bush, “Moses, Moses!” And he said, “Here I am.” (Exodus 3:4).  We must first be listening for God's voice when He calls us.  It's not always as clear as that of a burning bush or a ringing bell (or a trumpet for that matter!).  It's a more often than not, a soft, still whisper in the depths of our soul.  It's a pause, a breath, a just stopping short of what we were about to do on our own.  And, when He has our attention, God tells us to MOVE.  He may be sending us, like He did Moses, or he could be calling us out of our comfort zone for something bigger than ourselves.

“The LORD our God said to us in Horeb, ‘You have stayed long enough at this mountain. Turn and take your journey, and go to the hill country of the Amorites and to all their neighbors in the Arabah, in the hill country and in the lowland and in the Negeb and by the seacoast, the land of the Canaanites, and Lebanon, as far as the great river, the river Euphrates. See, I have set the land before you. Go in and take possession of the land that the LORD swore to your fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give to them and to their offspring after them.’ (Deut. 1:6-8).  

When we don't move on our own, after the Holy Spirit has prompted us to move, God will move us!  But, it doesn't have to be so hard!  If we would just be sensitive to His leading.  He has promised us to take us beyond ourselves and into His glory.  We need not understand the process, we just need to OBEY.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." Prov. 3:5-6

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

 ...“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...." Isaiah 43:1

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you." Psalm 32:8

I could continue with Scripture after Scripture, promise after promise.  The question is, do you and I truly believe in and lean on those promises?  

On a minute by minute basis, you could scrutinize my life and say that I do not.  I could easily be called a hypocrite.  Yet, aren't we all?  We all contradict ourselves in one form or fashion.  It's inevitable.  We're human!  Yet, if you really want to look at my life, I would hope that you would see that my life has become an outpouring of what has been poured into me.  Living Water. . . it runs deep within my soul.  My roots have been soaked in the glory of the Living God and my cup runs over with blessing.  While I still experience pain, depressed moods, challenges and mountains, I am learning to lean on what my Heavenly Father has given me - stability in Him.  I am rooted.  

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose trust is the LORD. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought,  for it does not cease to bear fruit.” (Jeremiah 17:7-8)

Rooted.  So, how then do I enter into His momentum?  It's kind of complicated when you are looking in from the outside.  However, it makes complete sense when you really look at what is happening. 

I am rooted in Jesus.  He is more than my Redeemer, He IS.  When you find yourself immersed in the ever present Spirit of the Living God, you can rest in the strength and power He commands.  Rooted in Him, but free to be the Daughter of the Most High King, a Daughter of Sarah, a sinner cleansed white by the Blood of the Lamb and so completely attached to the Rock of my Salvation that I can move forward by His will and authority and power.  

We are not our own.  We like to think that we are in charge of our own lives.  However, we are either fellowshipping with the Light or the Dark.  The choice is a personal one, "But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.” (Joshua 24:15)

Momentum.  Moving forward, yet steadfast. The impetus of God at work in our lives, to shine more glorious for His sake and to lead many more to the Well.

I. DO. EXIST

I don't know about you, but so many times, I wonder if my life matters.  Sure, I know I've won friends and influenced people, but to whom do I really matter?  How many times have I questioned myself, my motives and why I am here?  Haven't we all questioned?  Do we ever get an answer?  And, if we get one, did it really make us feel any better?

So many cliché thoughts come to mind.  "You are here for reason."  "Your family and friends depend on you."  "God has a purpose for your life."  It's so easy to recount them and to regurgitate them to others.  But, do these statements really reach that empty place deep inside us?  Do they fill that place where we desire acknowledgement, recognition and validation?  For a time, perhaps, but they do not soothe the deep yearning in our souls for a measure of our true worth.

This afternoon, I was speaking with my counselor and she asked me to explain to her my understanding of Divine Order.  I was quick to answer:  "God.  My husband.  My kids.  . . "  She stopped me before I could go any further.  "You left yourself out."  Huh?  That was an interesting statement.  I left myself out?  "When you left yourself out, it was like you didn't exist."  Oh, wow.  Something struck deep within me.  All I could say is "Wow."

So, how do you respond to such a statement?  First of all, it's not "just" a statement.  It's a revelation.  It reveals a very important omission in my thinking.  Mull it over. . .not only did I omit myself from the list of priorities, I omitted myself from existence!  Aren't we all prone to doing such a thing?  We think we need to put others first, so we don't include ourselves as part of the equation.  She said it again, "It was like you didn't exist."  Now, I won't go into the depths of my conversation with her, for we explored this subject for quite some time.  But, the crux of it all was this - my life matters - far more than I could or will ever fathom.

Think about it this way. . . God created all things, right?  ALL.  What does that mean?  ALL.  It's overwhelmingly inclusive.  There is nothing, no one thing, that does not have His fingerprints all over it.  Not only that, each of us was a forethought.  We didn't just appear by happenstance, though many would argue that fact.  God knew when we would make our appearance in His creation.  And, we didn't show up in the wrong generation, either.  He chose each of us for such a time as this.  He didn't choose my grandmother, my mother, my brother or my daughter.  He chose ME.  NOW.  In this time and place. God knew before He spoke the world into being that this day of my revelation and conviction would come.  He knew that I would finally be ready to receive the knowledge and power and strength that only comes through His Holy Spirit.  He chose to show Himself to me - today.

So, what exactly am I talking about?  Let me try to explain.  In all of creation, God has placed a Divine Order.  He set it before Adam and Eve in His beloved garden.  What exactly is His Divine Order?  God first, man as husband, and woman, as wife.  Then, children, family and all else follow suit.  You may be thinking to yourself at this point that this doesn't add up.  Life doesn't work that way!  No, it doesn't.  But that doesn't mean it's not designed to work that way.  Think about it, whom did God create in His image first?  Adam.  Who was created from the bone of Adam?  Eve.  God first, then man, then woman.   Not long after that, they were commissioned by God to take their place as stewards over all His creation.  Responsibility and accountability followed and they lived in harmony with God and each other.  But, then, the "terrible lie" set in and Adam and Eve ate the fruit from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.  We all know what happened, right?  Well, do we?  Do we really understand what we lost with that sinful bite? 

Not only did we lose our place in the garden, but we lost our identity.  Satan told Eve she would be like God and suddenly feeling unsure about what God really said, she took a bite of the forbidden fruit as she sought to find a new validation of herself.  And, with that bite, humankind lost sight of who it really was. 

You see, when the "terrible lie" entered into the world, humankind stopped caring about what life was like with God and started to look outward for significance.   Humankind turned to violence,  selfishness, and all manner of tactics to try to find meaning and purpose to life.  The story has not changed since that fateful day in the garden.  We still search outwardly for validation of our existence through any means necessary - addiction, people-pleasing, overcompensation and even bullying.  We hide from God in our depression, anger, condemnation and guilt.  None of those things bring glory to the very One who breathed life into our being.  Our very attempts to find our worth in other things only leave us empty, yearning and hollow.

"It was like you didn't exist."  Omitting myself from Divine Order revealed an error in my thinking.  As my counselor continued to explain this new concept to me, my mind went back to the church service this morning.  Our pastor wove his message into clips from the old classic movie, "It's A Wonderful Life."  While his message was potent and powerful, I considered what happened after George wished he had never been born.  Think about this with me for a moment.  George was in the presence of an angel when he made his wish.  After his wish was granted and all traces of his life were removed from existence, no one knew him.  In my mind, however, I was looking from a different angle, a different depth, if you will.  See if you can follow me. . . Not only did they not know him, they didn't see him.  If they had known him, they would have seen him in his struggles, in his pain.  Are you with me yet?  No one saw his worth, his impact, his potential.  No one saw him. . . but God did.  Ah.  Now do you see?  No one saw, but God.  God, the Father, the Creator of the universe and all within it, sees us.  He sees you. He sees me.  I do exist.  And, so do you.

In the darkest hours of night, in the deepest depths of our soul, God sees us.  We cannot hide from our Creator.  And, in all honesty, why do we want to?  Do we really escape our responsibility and accountability when we deny our own existence?  We were created with intent. We were created with purpose.  We were created to reflect the One that made us and bring Him honor and glory and praise.  How can I do that if I don't acknowledge myself in His Divine Order?  Not only do I exist, but I exist with purpose.  I have a place in God's Divine Order, and not just in my family, but to all who cross my path for God is glorified in me! My worth is not based on anything other than who I am in God.  John 14:20 says, ” In that day you will know that I am in My Father, you are in Me, and I am in you." (HCSB).  Not just Jesus in me, but me in Jesus!  Do you realize what that means???

I. DO. EXIST.  YOU. DO. EXIST.  We don't have to deny ourselves our true value and worth.  We don't have to pretend that we don't matter when we yearn for acknowledgement of our contribution to the world.  We DO matter.  We matter so much that God gave His only begotten Son to reclaim us, save us from eternal separation from Him.  If I was the only human on Earth, Jesus still would have given His life to restore me to my Father in Heaven.   Yes, I am that important.  And, I'm not going to pretend I'm not.

The world may look at me like I'm selfish, petty and a snob.  They have every right to their opinion.  But, I know who I am.  I am the Daughter of the Most High King.  I am  a Daughter of Zion,  a daughter of Sarah.  My life does matter.  My worth does not lie in the treasures of this world, save for the seeds I sow into those around me for the glory of my Father in Heaven.  I may not always get it right, as a matter of fact, I can promise you I won't.  Regardless, I don't need man's empty praise (or criticism for that matter) to help me find my worth.  I'll admit, it's nice to have it when it's genuine. But, in the end, what truly matters is that my Father SEES me as the beautiful life He created. . . one with value, purpose and calling.

He sees you as well.  The question is, do you see yourself?

Want to know more about my Jesus?  Click here to meet Him.

Christmas Time: A time of joy, laughter and. . . oh, who am I kidding?

It's that time of year again - where the sights and sounds resonate with echoes of Christmas.  Each corner you turn, every other Facebook post you see, almost every song you hear speaks about Christmas. 

Yet, the feeling does not resonate with me.  Each year, I try to catch the spirit of Christmas, but instead of catching the intended good vibes, I seem to catch a sickness.  Deep within me, my soul aches for the joy and laughter that comes with each decoration and string of lights.  Each gift bought should lighten my step as we approach the twenty-fifth of December, yet I am weighed down with each passing day.  While my family plots the location of the Christmas tree, I secretly wish that they'd come to the conclusion that there is no room.  Christmas is not my favorite time of year. 

No matter how I strive to "fake it till I feel it," the truth of the matter is I am crumbling inside.  Instead of the excitement of clearing the space to place decorations and presents, I mutter under my breath at the inconvenience and extra work load.  While I purchase gifts with good intentions, I harbor resentment for the expectation that gifts be exchanged.  This is the one time of year that we hear from certain people, seeking to bless us, and all I can think about is how we are conveniently forgotten throughout the other 11 months of the year.

Yes, the message is in the manger - in the Word made flesh - in the babe that would come to rescue us from the sin and darkness in which this world feels so comfortable wrapping itself.  Each symbol of Christmas can find meaning in the humble beginnings of the Christ child - the gifts of frankincense, gold and myrrh; the North Star that lead the magi through the desert; the tree that would eventually become the wood from which the cross would be built and upon which Christ would willingly give His life for mine.   All this and more give deeper meaning to the season and ideally would alleviate the pain and frustration that wells up inside as the first holiday display appears earlier and earlier every year.

But what is all this about, really?  While so many find satisfaction in this thing called Christmas, I find it hollow and lacking.  I know I can't be the only one that feels this way.  Yet, it's a very lonely place to live.  As much as I've grown over the last year and a half, this is one area in which I continue to struggle.  No, it's not because my husband travels over 200 days a year and our celebrations are often moved to an alternate day.  No, it's not just because I didn't grow up celebrating Christmas and instead went through the motions of celebrating the Feast of Hanukkah in a very secular sense.  The whole thing leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

Why does this holiday season seem to bring anger, depression and loneliness?  Why can I not find joy in the little preparations and celebrations that lead up to the "big day?"  I often recount the story of Ebeneezer Scrooge and how a visit from the spirits of Christmas past, present and future altered the very nature of his heart and the cold, dark lump that once lay within his chest was transformed into a something warm and alive, yearning  to love and be loved.  Even Elsa, who's cold gift caused her to retreat within herself, found that a "act of true love" could melt her frozen heart.  So, why not me?

I hear the Scripture tell me that the very Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead lives in me and because of that, I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength  for God has said to me that His grace is sufficient as His strength is made perfect in my weakness.   I know that Mary contemplated all the things that God had showed her about her future son and I cannot imagine what she felt and knew as she walked by faith and not by sight.

It's all well and good.  My mind knows so many things.  My eyes see that much more.  But, my heart does not follow suit.  When does it change?  Eighteen months of intense counseling, major breakthroughs and revelation and I still sit here feeling more anger than joy, more empty than full and ever so weak instead of strong in the Lord.

With whom can I be real? Is there no one that I can share this with?  Even the thought of picking up the phone to my counselor brings pain.  I feel guilty sharing with my friends whom I know can relate.  As they battle their own difficulties,  I feel as if I add an extra measure of chaos into their lives as I reach out for comfort and counsel.  In all reality, I know that those who are close probably don't feel as repulsed by my struggles as I do, but still, I often cry while my child looks on, confused and anxious because her momma can't tell her why she's shedding tears.

"Let go. . give it to God."  Sometimes such as trite and meaningless statement.  I know what the Scriptures say.  I've leaned on them.  But for some reason, this particular season seems to test my faith in ways I can't describe.  My anger is targeted at my animals, my daughter, the housework - you name it, it all incites me to rage and  borderline violence.  Instead, the rage turns inward, tearing at the very fiber of my being, so physical in nature that I have kicked cabinets, banged my head against doors and dug my nails so deep into my skin that I drew blood.

Oh, we Christians don't talk about these things.  Violence doesn't become us.  Even as Jesus threw tables and hurled objects in the temple, His Righteous anger makes mine look petty and foolish.

Oh, foolish heart, how fickle you are.  Torn apart so easily by the ebb and flow of life.  As I stand on the shore, watching the reflection of the sun on the water (in my mind's eye, of course), I ponder the reflection I see of myself.  Do I reflect the dark and fallen world I struggle to live in or do I reflect the Son who came to save it?  It is true, what Peter said in 1 Peter 2:10-11:

"for you once were NOT A PEOPLE, but now you are THE PEOPLE OF GOD; you had NOT RECEIVED MERCY, but now you have RECEIVED MERCY. Beloved, I urge you as aliens and strangers to abstain from fleshly lusts which wage war against the soul. Keep your behavior excellent among the Gentiles, so that in the thing in which they slander you as evildoers, they may because of your good deeds, as they observe them, glorify God in the day of visitation." (NASB)

I am a stranger, an alien, a foreigner in a land to which I no longer belong.  "The world would love you as one of its own if you belonged to it, but you are no longer part of the world. I chose you to come out of the world, so it hates you." John 15:19 (NLT).  How easy it is to forget.   And, the verse before that reminds me that "If the world hates you, remember that it hated me [Jesus] first." John 15:18 (NLT).

As I finish typing, I smile weakly to myself how writing is so cathartic, revealing and liberating.  God speaks to me through my tears, through my caustic words and thoughts, and still brings me back to His Word, THE Word, Jesus.  While the pain does not dissipate quickly, I am reminded that the blessing is in the journey, not just at the end of it.  We often don't see the forest for the trees, but when we persevere, the outcome can be glorious.

Maybe, just maybe, I'll survive Christmas this year.  And perhaps, I'll even enjoy it. :)

What kind of an observer are you?

Yesterday, I received news that my dear neighbor, Max, had passed away.  The news came as quite a shock.  You see, Max had already been treated and determined cancer (lymphoma) free once.  Then, about 6 weeks ago, maybe less, we found out he had brain cancer.  He was doing well the last time we saw him.  We had just prayed for our unsaved neighbor, who is also battling illness and prayed for Max as well.  Then the phone call came at 10 till 8:00 am yesterday morning.

It turns out the cancer had nothing to do with his death.  He had contracted pneumonia and after his radiation treatment on Thursday, they could not stabilize his vitals.  His wife, being a nurse, explained it in such a way that I don't know if I understood it all, but she did tell us it was peaceful.  Peaceful for him, painful for the rest of us.  It doesn't matter where your hope lies, death always strikes grief in the hearts of all God's children.

Max and his family are from Zimbabwe.  They are incredible people and probably the most godly I have ever known.  He was a bi-vocational pastor who also worked at one of the local car parts plants.  No matter what trial he was going through, including his recent bouts with cancer, he praised the Lord and smiled and found ways to encourage those around him.  "God is good," you would here here him say.  And, he meant it.

As the day wore on, we went to my daughter's 5 year well-child visit and I got checked out for sore throat and ear ache.  Being cleared of any infection, we went over to visit our dear friends.  Actually, they are more like our extended family.  Both my husband and I feel like we've lost a close cousin.  His wife, step-son, and two daughters, in addition to his mother who has been here since his first cancer diagnosis are all left behind.  I even feel a little jealous since he's rejoicing in the presence of our Lord and Savior, and we are here, in this fallen world, left to grieve.

Yet, Max's death was not in vain.  One of the first thoughts I had was maybe now, my unsaved neighbors, whom we also consider extended family, will be more open to talk about God and the seeds of salvation may be watered and God could reap a great harvest.  

Oh, but God's vision is so much greater than our own!  I had no idea what an impact this man had on those around him - on me and my husband - until yesterday evening.  I realized later in the evening that I had been led to turn down an opportunity to volunteer at the Winter Jam concert last night, but rescinded because of illness.  I just didn't feel up to a long concert on my feet, despite the exciting line-up..  God held me back for His purposes.  Let me explain.

Max and his family belong to the Seventh Day-Adventist denomination of faith.  They observe the Sabbath much like the Jews do, from Friday evening at sundown to Saturday evening at sundown.  Doctrinally, they only differ from others on a few minor points.  However, there is no doubt, not a single solitary doubt, that these people love Christ and LIVE Christ.  Oh, have my eyes been shielded by the world's version of Christianity!  And, now, I know just how thick the scales have been.

Max's nephew, Cathbert (sp?) gave the message last night after a time of worship in their native tongue, which was beautiful and oh, how I longed to know the words and sing along.  He shared how much he loved God's Word and the stories within it.  He shared with us a passage that he felt suited all situations, from minor setbacks to "tornado-like" events in our lives and yes, even the death of one so dear.  He read us the first few verses of Jeremiah 18:

 
"The word which came to Jeremiah from Jehovah, saying, Arise, and go down to the potter’s house, and there I will cause thee to hear my words. Then I went down to the potter’s house, and, behold, he was making a work on the wheels. And when the vessel that he made of the clay was marred in the hand of the potter, he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it." 

(Jer. 18:1-4 ASV).

I was confused at first.   But, oh, did he have my attention.  He seemed to speak directly to Norah, Max's widow, as he explained the passage to us in a way I have never heard.  I don't even know that I have really read this passage before, to be honest.  Cathbert explained that Jeremiah was no one special.  He was a lay person, by all accounts, and he was told to "arise and go" to "hear" the Word of the Lord.  Yet, Jeremiah did not actually hear anything at first.  He observed.   And, what did he observe?  That the piece of clay that the potter was working with was marred.  Think about that.  The ". . .vessel that he  made was marred in the hand of the potter. . . "  Cathbert continued.  Jeremiah watched as the potter took this marred, yet still malleable piece of clay and "he made it again. . . , as seemed good to the potter to make it."  He made it again, into a new shape, as Jeremiah watched.  And, we all knew.  The Holy Spirit echoed in our minds and hearts as Cathbert spoke it - "And he that sitteth on the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he saith, Write: for these words are faithful and true." (Revelation 21:5 ASV).  God makes all things new.

You see, Max's life was literally a walking testimony to the power and glory and goodness of God.  He always greeted you with gladness.  He never complained or grumbled, even when telling you about his physical pain.  I'm reminded of the Brandon Heath song, "Jesus in Disguise."  If Max wasn't Jesus in disguise, I am really missing out much more than I ever thought.  Cathbert relayed that over the course of the last week or two, Max took time to send encouraging texts and emails to his brothers and sisters in Christ, despite his many doctors' appointments and radiation treatments.  He was always pointing those around him to the one true and living God.  And, I have been like Jeremiah, sitting on the sidelines watching him live out his faith.  But, what have I done with it all?

I think the conviction struck its hardest blow when Cathbert shared what he overheard Max's 7 year old daughter tell her grieving mother.  I will paraphrase. .  ."Momma, why are you crying?  Daddy is with Jesus.  We will see him again when Jesus comes to get us."  Norah, trying to be strong, says between the sobs, "I know; I know."  Little one says, "Put it this way, Momma.  Daddy has gone on a long trip for work and he is not coming back any time soon - not until Jesus comes for us."  What 7 year old says that?  What adult has that kind of grasp on the hope and blessed assurance that we have in Jesus?  Max and his family, his church, his friends.  Oh, the painful, yet gentle hand of conviction later drew me to tears.

So, what kind of observer are you?  Me?  I found out that I'm no Jeremiah.  Jeremiah realized that there was an analogy in front of him that he didn't have to hear audibly, though he did later in the passage.  God was speaking to him through the actions of the potter.  "O house of Israel, cannot I do with you as this potter? saith Jehovah. Behold, as the clay in the potter’s hand, so are ye in my hand, O house of Israel." (Jer. 18:5 ASV).  Jeremiah was an observer - and he understood.  I've always heard the analogy of God being the potter and I am the clay.  I know that God makes all things new.  But, what have I done with that knowledge?  I have been a silent, inactive observer.  And, that begs the question - who is watching me?  What does my life tell them about Christ?  Oh, it's a painful and humbling conviction.

I don't want to be just an observer who just acknowledges what I see but does nothing with it.  I want to be like Max, a person who loves Christ and LIVES out my faith.  I don't want to fail my family any further.  I don't want to cheat myself, let alone the others who are watching me.  What am I going to do with this loss of fellowship?  How am I going to react to the grief I feel and see around me?  Cathbert challenged us - let God make you new again.  Oh, doesn't He do that anyway?  With new mercies every day, Christ wipes away the scars and blemishes and gives us a chance to start over again.  But, it's what we do with that opportunity that really counts.  Are you, am I, going to be a silent observer and hearer of the Word and the work of the Holy Spirit or are we going to respond?  I don't want to watch from the sidelines anymore.  I want to get on my knees and beg for forgiveness and ask the Lord to truly make me anew.  I want to be an active observer and participant in the kingdom of God - just like my dear friend, Maximo Lunga.  

I know Max is fellowshipping with the saints in Heaven right now as his family and friends gather across the street to mourn together, comfort one another and try to move forward.  Why does it take such a loss to realize what we had?  God's purpose is so clear.  Sometimes He must make beauty from ashes to give us the new life we crave, that we are entitled to, and the reason He sacrificed His son, Jesus so that we may be joint-heirs with Christ in the kingdom of God.

As the tears stream down my face, I pray that any one of you reading this realizes what God wants to do in our lives.  We just have to stop being so distracted and busy and we must  listen - with our ears, our eyes and our  hearts.  He is speaking to you and me at all times.  Do you hear him?  What will your response to the Potter be?  For me, I lift up my hands and say, "I am yours, Lord.  Mold me as you will.  Make me new - again and again and again - until I am changed to reflect You or You call me home." 

Rest well, my dear friend, Maximo.  Rest well and enjoy your reward.  I shall see you soon, but not soon enough.

Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!

Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood. 

 

Refrain: 

This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long;
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long.

Perfect submission, perfect delight,
Visions of rapture now burst on my sight;
Angels, descending, bring from above
Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.
 

Perfect submission, all is at rest,

I in my Savior am happy and blest,
Watching and waiting, looking above,
Filled with His goodness, lost in His love.

Frances J. Crosby, 1873

Life

You know, life is an interesting journey.  99% of the time, it doesn't turn out how you expect it to.  There are extreme highs and lows and then there's the doldrums, where you're just so-so.  Sometimes, we can even be content.  Wow.  What a concept, eh?  Contentment.  How do we achieve that?

Today is my daughter's 5th birthday.  It's been an up and down kind of day so far.  The excitement of turning 5 and being the ultimate center of attention with gifts and cards and calls has made her a little bit whiny and I had to put her to bed for a bit!  I'm not taking a cranky 5 year old to Chuck E. Cheese's.  But, she's still learning to handle the ups and downs of daily life.  She has an excuse.

After I put her in her room, my dear husband sat down on the couch with one of those "don't even talk to me" looks.  I gently asked what was wrong and he replied that he was angry.  When I asked at what, he said, "life."  A myriad of things immediate ran through my mind,  however, the wise person in me kept from delving further into the topic.  I've learned when to leave him be.  Yet, I'm quietly contemplating what has got him so upset.

As all of us do, we are facing challenges.   You know, stuff like the car needs new tires desperately; we need to finish putting the trim down in the kitchen;  the window wells for the new basement windows need to be completed; we want to purchase this and that, which we may or may not really need.  I think that's what gets us in a tizzy - trying to balance our wants and needs.

Hubby has been a Crown Financial Budget Counselor for quite some time and we have integrated Crown's Biblical budgeting with the practicality of  Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University.  However, it's hard to stick to any budget, especially one that has you allocating every last penny.  We've been doing it for years.  But, there are certainly times, such as now, when it's really, really, hard to stick to it - and like it for that matter.

I know that some of his frustration and anger is at our financial situation.  Again, the wants versus needs thing.  I think the fact that at work they're going into contract negotiations next month has something to do with it as well.  I'm sure there's a little frustration at me and my lack of organization. I've made some progress on the house, but it's an arduous process for me.  I've been distracted with my sewing and perhaps I've missed something else.  I know we'd love to find that warranty paper on my health, but I'm pretty sure that expired a long time ago.

As Christians, I believe that we're expected to have mastered the Fruits of the Spirit as laid out in Galatians 5:22-23.  As I mentioned in a previous post, some of them are harder to master than others.  For me, it's self-discipline and patience.  For my husband, I believe it's peace and patience.  Peace.  Now, that's a concept!

Christ never promised us that life would be free of challenges, disappointments and frustration.  Quite the contrary.  He assured us that we would face even more trials because of our faith.  I believe He came to Earth as a precious baby, wrapped in flesh, so He could and would experience those trials and their subsequent emotions and difficulties so that when we get in the pit of despair and we look up at Him and say, "don't you understand how much this hurts, God?" that He can look back at us and say, "Yes.  Yes, I do."

But, He doesn't leave it at that.  He tells us in Psalm 55:22, "Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall." And again, in 1 Peter 5:7, "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."  Let's not forget this, though.  Matthew 11:27-28:  Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (NIV)

I can hear a lot of "easier said than done" right now.  And, I do agree.  But, I was reminded yesterday when K and I were watching a video about the Bible and they explained what the word "testament" really means.  I forget the Greek root, but it essentially means, "promise."  So, not only do the stories, letters, and lessons in the Bible teach us about the promises of God, the Bible, itself, is a promise from God.  So, when I think of the chorus to Sanctus Real's song "Promises" and I hear "And hold on to the promises (Hold tight), Hold on to the promises (Alright), Jesus is alive so hold tight, Hold on to the promises," I am reminded that I must cling to God's Word.  I wish that for my husband, for my daughter, my mom, my neighbors, and of course, myself.  Then, we might get those concepts of contentment and peace.  But, that's for another post.

I guess what prompted this post is that I don't know what to say or do right now.  Life has got my hubby in a funk and I don't feel led to approach him right now without getting preachy.  So, I'll quietly pray and ask the Lord for wisdom and guidance.  I'll "hold tight" to the promises of God's word and try to rest in the knowledge that this, too, shall pass.  Life may stink from his perspective right now, but I know God's in control.  He knows the beginning, end and everything in between. Life (I mean, let's face it - the true culprit is the enemy) might be ruffling our feathers, but God has the tender, healing touch to soothe our souls, and He will if we let Him.

So, now my question is, "Is it too much to ask for an emergency treatment?"  :)