When Doubt Gets the Best of You

I’ve heard it said that we are own worst enemy.  In Scripture, our worst enemy is really Satan, the fallen angel who took one-third of Heaven with him in rebellion against God.  So, in reality, it has been said that we are our own worst enemy’s accomplice (I believe I can attribute that to Beth Moore).

Sometimes, it’s hard to differentiate between how much is my own doing (i.e., consequences of my actions and choices), testing appointed by God or spiritual attack from the forces of evil.  Many times I don’t even want to know the “why” behind the “what” because I just want to see the way through.

The Word of God says that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us (Philippians 4:13). Paul shares only two verses prior that this is the “secret” to living in all circumstances and situations.  After all, Christ has said,  “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9) because “The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you” (Romans 8:11).  

So, why is it that we still feel so inadequate and ineffective?  Why do our feelings lie to us about what we can accomplish for the Lord?  Why does self-pity, depression, insecurity and immaturity seem to rule our hearts and minds right when we think we’ve begun to do something good?

I have written many an encouraging word for others.  I have spoken of trials being fertile ground for our growth, that we are royal heirs in the Kingdom of God, empowered by the Holy Spirit Who gives us everything we need to live life for our Lord and King.  Yet, as many truths flow forth from my fingertips to the screen into the hearts of God’s children, I fear I have not yet taken these things to heart and applied them to my own life.

Oh, I talk a good game.   Passionate in my quest for others to take hold of the truths that have been set before me.  Receptive of the Word for others, but so often, disregarding its application to my own heart.  None of this is done at the conscious level at first.  I get caught up in the moment, in the rush of seeing another heart encouraged, and another soul moved closer towards their reward in Heaven.  

But, as I look in the mirror, do I own the reality of what I preach?  Do I honestly live out the life I so desire others to embrace?

I have battled depression for over 25 years.  So many days I feel like that demon has been exorcised from my spirit and I have found victory in the Lord.  Then, there are those other days where I can’t look myself in the mirror, I can’t see the purpose of my existence in the universe and I feel like the biggest hypocrite in the world.  I rail against myself and God as if I wasn’t the born-again believer that I am.  

We get in the way of our own ministry when we fall victim to the fallen nature of our flesh.  Not only does our flesh lie to us about what we need to be successful but it will tell us that we are not worthy of the Cross.  How often do I tell others that Christ would die all over again for them if they were the only human being on the planet?  Yet, I still find myself feeling so inadequate and doubting the very gifts that God has sown into me.

And, as I sit here, the answer is so clear.  Even as our trials and testing are appointed by God, even as they are within the purview of God’s omniscience, there does remain an enemy of our souls.  His first known attack was on the very confidence we have in God.  In Genesis 3:1, Satan, in the form of the serpent, said to Eve “Did God really say you must not eat the fruit from any of the trees in the garden?” (emphasis mine).  All he had to do was plant a seed of doubt.  What is doubt?  According to Professor Google, doubt is “a feeling of uncertainty or lack of conviction.”  Uncertainty is all it takes to cause us to call into question all that we know to be true.  Unless. . . .

Unless we are prepared.  Unless we are grounded.  Unless we are rooted so deeply in the Word of God that when the enemy whispers lies in our ear we can quickly discern and disarm them.  We have not been left to our own devices when it comes to defending what is true about ourselves.  We have been given the Armor of God – the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the helmet of salvation, the shoes of the Gospel of peace, the shield of faith, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the very Word of God (Ephesians 6:13-17).

At the end of the day, we will be battle-weary.  But, the difference between walking wounded and being utterly defeated lies in our dedication to learning from our Commanding Officer.  Our Lord Jesus did not send us in to battle without first walking the front-line himself.  He is and always will be our ultimate example of how to endure to the end.  Even in the Garden of Gethsemane, twice Jesus asked His Father to take the “cup of suffering” from Him.  Yet, He yielded His will to that of the Father for our benefit - so that you and I could believe on Him and be reconciled to our Creator.

No matter what I go through, no matter how much I rail against God, nothing can change the fact that I am His child.  What does need to change is how I respond when the enemy enters my mind and disrupts my spirit.  

As I sit and reflect upon that statement, the choice I must make is clear.  Even greater still is the focus of my attention and whether or not I have truly surrendered ALL of myself so that I may be complete in Jesus.  

And, as I have written before, the word “surrender” means so much more than just a white flag in the middle of a fight.  If we write it like this, “sUrrENDer,” then we see the words within the word, “U END.”

Doubt may be a tactic of the enemy, but what I realize is that an act of my own will and consciousness must bring me to at the point where “I END” and God begins.  Only I can answer that question before the Lord.  And, each one of us must do the same.

“Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross daily, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.”  Luke 9:23-24

Be Careful Where You Till (A Flourish Devotional)

As I walk my dogs each morning, I pass a rose bush. Earlier in the spring, the bush budded with coral blooms, a beautiful sight, indeed. However, a broadleaf weed began to grow at the base of the bush. As each week passed, the weed grew taller and my dislike for it grew with it. The weed is now taller than the rose bush by at least 2 feet and is almost as tall as I am.

To be quite honest, every time I pass it, I want to cut it down. Yet, I have a problem: the weed and the bush are growing in my neighbor's yard three houses down. Let me tell you, if they were in my yard, the weed wouldn't have survived a week.

One morning last week, I passed the odd combination of plants, and the Lord said to me, "It's not your weed to kill. Every plant, no matter how beautiful or distasteful, has its purpose in my Kingdom." I heard what He said, but I didn't want to receive it.

Curiosity drove me to the internet to find out just what this weed, a.k.a, plant, might be. I discovered that it is called "Common Mullein" and actually has a variety of medicinal purposes, among other things. As it happens, the taller it grows, the more beautiful it becomes, as small, yellow flowers begin to appear as it reaches its maximum height. In my mind, pretty flowers or not, it was still just an overgrown weed.

You can only imagine the mixed feelings that followed. "But, Lord," I said, "it's such an eyesore! Why do they let it grow like that? Won't it hurt the rosebush? I wish I could cut it down!" But, as He always does, the quiet whisper of the Holy Spirit came and changed my point of view.

You see, as we discovered earlier this week, "trials till the soil of our souls so that the seeds of faith fall on fertile ground and take root." However, your trials are not the same as mine and vice-versa. The journey to our growth is individual, not collective, although you and I may be receiving the same message. The important thing to remember is this: we cannot till land that does not belong to us.

Jesus likened our hearts to that of soil in Luke 8, the Parable of the Sower. We will pick it up in verse 11:

“This is the meaning of the parable: The seed is God’s word. The seeds that fell on the footpath represent those who hear the message, only to have the devil come and take it away from their hearts and prevent them from believing and being saved. The seeds on the rocky soil represent those who hear the message and receive it with joy. But since they don’t have deep roots, they believe for a while, then they fall away when they face temptation. The seeds that fell among the thorns represent those who hear the message, but all too quickly the message is crowded out by the cares and riches and pleasures of this life. And so they never grow into maturity. And the seeds that fell on the good soil represent honest, good-hearted people who hear God’s word, cling to it, and patiently produce a huge harvest. (Luke 8:11-15, NLT)

Most of us can quickly determine the nature of the soil of our own hearts. We'd like to say we are all "good soil." But, the reality is, many of us are still tilling our land, moving through trial after trial, ripping up weeds, planting new seeds and praying for growth.

I'd ask you to consider this, however: how many times have you looked at the trials in someone else's life and seen the hard ground, rocks, thorns and weeds? Have you felt like me and wanted to take charge of their lives and either turn them around or save them altogether?

You and I have no right to remove the obstacles in somebody else's life just because it makes us uncomfortable.

We are exhorted by the Apostle Paul, ". . . you must continually work out your own salvation with fear and trembling: for God is the One Who works in you, both to determine and to work, for His good pleasure.(Philippians 2:12b-13, The One New Man Bible, emphasis mine). My spiritual mama and counselor puts it like this: "Each one of us is working out his own salvation and deliverance." 

Just as Jesus likens our lives to the farmer's field, you and I can look at the landscape of our lives and realize that we have enough of our own tilling to do. We lack the time and energy to till someone else's. While it is important to come along side each other and lend a helping hand, ultimately, we are each responsible for the fruit in our lives. Only by walking with Jesus can we weather the storms, endure the trials and yield the harvest He has commissioned us to cultivate.

My point is this, whatever thorn or weed I see in my sister's life that makes me squirm and feel the need to remove, the reality is that she needs to work that ground with God, and I need to see her do it. Both of us will see the glory of God manifested in her life and the promise of His faithfulness fulfilled. We overcome by the "blood of the Lamb and the Word of our testimony" (Revelation 12:11). Sometimes, we need to allow the ones we love to endure pain, heartache, disappointment, sorrow, loss and devastation so that we all may rejoice in knowing that God is sovereign regardless of how ugly things look.

The Lord says to Hosea in Chapter 10, verse 12, "I said, ‘Plant the good seeds of righteousness, and you will harvest a crop of love. Plow up the hard ground of your hearts, for now is the time to seek the Lord, that he may come and shower righteousness upon you.’" (NLT)

There are two ways to look at this verse, as we close. First we can identify "the hard ground of our hearts" to be the rocks, thorns and weeds that are left in our lives by a prior generation, placed by our own actions and choices, or allowed to exist because God has something to teach us. 

However, I'd like you to focus on a different part of the verse, "for now is the time to seek the Lord, that he may come and shower righteousness upon you."

The thought I'd like to leave you with is this:  The trials in our lives are appointed by God. There is no hair on your head that He does not know (Luke 12:7), nor is there a trial or challenge in your life that is unforeseen (Jeremiah 1:5, Ephesians 1:4). God chooses when to allow the trials in our lives because He is ready to do a work in us. There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1), so do not misunderstand me. Your path, your journey, your purpose, is entirely ordained and orchestrated by your Father in Heaven, to include when and where He chooses to grow you. 

As I said before, you and I can choose how we will receive the trials in our lives. We can allow our ground to remain hardened, full of fear, bitterness, unforgiveness and the heavy stones of unrepented sin. We can allow the thorns and weeds to grow, as improper thinking, willful ignorance and inappropriate relationships choke out the good seed that has been sown into our lives. 

Or, we can embrace the love of the Father, as He uses trials, purposely and carefully crafted, to grow our character, secure our foundation and allow the seeds of faith to flourish.