Over the weekend, my family and I were visiting an indoor water park. While we are a blended family of five, two of my children live out of state and have for the majority of their lives. So, when my husband and I take our youngest daughter to do something, it's usually just the three of us. Per the usual fashion, we catered most of our visit to our eight-year old's interests, however, this time, we encouraged her to overcome her fear of the larger water slides. You may laugh at this, and it has it's humorous elements to it, but as I sit and reflect on what really happened on this visit, I see things in a different light.
First, my husband and I ventured to the top of the tall platform to ride the "water coaster," while our daughter waited for us at the bottom. Just as it sounds, the ride is a fast-moving ride where you and one or two of your close friends and /or relatives sit back in an oblong raft and zoom down an enclosed tube. You can hear what can be construed as both screams of terror and/or delight echoing down the tube and throughout the facility. I, myself, admit my screams are a combination of the two emotions, but find that I truly enjoy the thrill.
On the other side of the platform, there is a family raft ride. Up to five people can sit in the circular flotation device and it, too, slightly twists and turns as the water carries you down an enclosed tube. My husband and I noticed there were many smaller children, toddlers, in fact, that were riding this particular attraction. We talked with a lady in line, who happened to be a lifeguard and confirmed the innocuous nature of the ride, and decided since our little girl had just gone down the regular tube ride with Daddy, she would really like this raft idea. (Key foreboding music here.)
As you can probably imagine, things did not go as we had hoped. Not only did we fail to factor in to account that she had literally just overcome her fear of the taller slides, we did not consider the truth of her condition: she was scared out of her mind. We're not talking excited-scared, here, either. We are talking full-scale meltdown scared. Giving her the benefit of the doubt, I went down the ride without her and Daddy walked his little girl down the three flights of stairs. We'll try again tomorrow.
Well, the day began with some adventure (albeit frustrating) as we played a game that has you running to and fro throughout the hotel. Finally, after we had defeated the dragon and won the gold (don't ask), we found ourselves back in the water park, splashing in the wave pool, and gearing up for helping our daughter conquer her fear for once and for all.
When she finally got up the courage, what little she had at the moment, to go up to the platform, fear griped her again as she reached the platform. While I tried to encourage her with 2 Timothy 3:17, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline," little could be done to calm her. All the coaxing and promises of gift shop goodies could not take this overwhelming fear away from my daughter. She took a step into the raft and literally panicked, to the point of screaming. A mixture of anger, resentment as well as concern took hold of me as I watched the same emotions rise up in my husband. And as the three of us walked down the stairs together, all my precious daughter could say to us was "I'm sorry." Over and over and over again.
My husband took a seat in order to calm down and sent me and my daughter to the wave pool. At first, I tried to reason with her, assure her that although disappointed, we weren't mad. I recalled our moments on the platform, both of us looking into her eyes as they darted back and forth, asking her if she trusted us, trusted that we wouldn't hurt her or put her in harm's way. That we would be sitting right next to her, holding her hand and sticking with her every moment of the way. Yet, all of that rhetoric didn't resonate with her. the bottom line was that she didn't trust us and she was terrified. For the next few moments, while we were in that wave pool, I sought the Lord for wisdom and peace in the situation. I put my arms around my baby girl and held her as she put her head on my shoulder and listened to me pray. All of the sudden, I felt the Lord say to me, "you are asking of her the same thing I have asked of you, and what has your response been?" A flood of compassion crashed over me along with the waves as I realized what this whole ordeal was really about.
Let me back up a half-a-second. Two days before, I had a panic attack as well. The details don't matter, but the crux of the lesson does. When we come to a place of healing, we often think we have done all we need to do. However, the journey never ends as we are refined and refocused as God reshapes us in to a new creation. Our strength is not in ourselves and our high-minded thinking that we have overcome on our own, but from the very Spirit of God that inhabits us. And, as we walk in our flesh and lean on our own understanding, we find ourselves face to face with situations we thought we could handle, yet they end up handling us and we are left a hot mess.
Somewhere along the way, we lost our trust. Trust in the process, trust in others, trust in God, and, we put too much trust in ourselves and our own abilities. What is this thing called "trust?" Again, I turn to Professor Google for our definition: "firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something." Don't we all say that trust is to be earned, not given? Once a trust is broken, most of us have a heck of a time giving it out again. We could argue the inherency of trust, but that will not be of any benefit, since both you and I know that regardless of where we learn the validity of trust, it can easily be broken and often times is at the heart of many of our relational issues.
You see, here is the reality: crippling fear is not of the Lord. You and I know what the Scripture says. We know that there are varying levels of fear and that there are healthy fears that keep us from doing things that harm us, as well as reverent fear of the Lord. But, herein lies the problem - how do we know the difference? How can we trust that our fear will give us the boundaries of safety that we are looking for? Scripture after Scripture encourages us to trust in the Lord. A quick search reveals 59 references to trusting (or not trusting) in the Lord. The most recited perhaps is Proverbs 3:5, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding."
My daughter trusted in what her eyes and ears were telling her. She saw and heard the rushing water at the beginning of the ride. She saw a large flotation device swallowed up by a big blue tunnel and she couldn't see what was ahead of her. She assumed that the rest of the ride was fast and bumpy and regardless of what anyone told her to the contrary, she could not trust what was being said to her. How many times have the eyes in your head contradicted the eyes of your heart and convinced you that whatever God was asking you to do, that you could not trust Him for the outcome? We lean into our emotions and allow them to tell us what is truth and what can and cannot be trusted. I hate to break it to you, but our emotions are probably the one thing we have that we can absolutely NOT trust! Emotions lead us into temptation, wrong thinking, sinful choices and devastating consequences. We must learn to trust the Word of God. Jesus, the Word made flesh, who knows us by our names. Scripture tells us over and over again that those who trust in the Lord will find their peace, their prosperity, their victory and their joy:
Psalm 37:3: Trust in the Lord and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.
Proverbs 16:20: Those who listen to instruction will prosper; those who trust the Lord will be joyful.
Isaiah 12:2: See, God has come to save me. I will trust in him and not be afraid. The Lord God is my strength and my song; he has given me victory.”
Jeremiah 17:7: But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.
Trust is the key to possessing our blessings. We must first trust the one that holds them in His hands as knowing what is best for us. As I have shared before, "Trust + Obedience = Blessing." It's the formula for success.
So, you may be wondering about the outcome of all this as it relates to the water-park adventure. Well, about half-way through the day, donning a life-jacket and after a threat to go down in the raft or if we go down the stairs, we go home, my daughter went down the family raft ride with us. And, on the way out of the park, our last ride was. . . you guess it! The family raft ride! I even caught her smiling a few times (in between the gentle dips and turns down the chute). You see, in the end, she did trust us after all, even if it was under a bit of slight duress, and she was victorious over her fear.
Yet, in the end, the bigger lesson learned was mine. I now see how much I lean on my own strength and understanding and how misleading they can be. I need to trust in the Truth because in the Truth, I find my liberty. And when I walk in liberty, I have the freedom to follow God with joy in my heart and assuredness (a.k.a. "trust") in His plan for my life.
John 8:32: "Jesus said to the people who believed in him, “You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings. And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."
