When Doubt Gets the Best of You

I’ve heard it said that we are own worst enemy.  In Scripture, our worst enemy is really Satan, the fallen angel who took one-third of Heaven with him in rebellion against God.  So, in reality, it has been said that we are our own worst enemy’s accomplice (I believe I can attribute that to Beth Moore).

Sometimes, it’s hard to differentiate between how much is my own doing (i.e., consequences of my actions and choices), testing appointed by God or spiritual attack from the forces of evil.  Many times I don’t even want to know the “why” behind the “what” because I just want to see the way through.

The Word of God says that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us (Philippians 4:13). Paul shares only two verses prior that this is the “secret” to living in all circumstances and situations.  After all, Christ has said,  “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9) because “The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you” (Romans 8:11).  

So, why is it that we still feel so inadequate and ineffective?  Why do our feelings lie to us about what we can accomplish for the Lord?  Why does self-pity, depression, insecurity and immaturity seem to rule our hearts and minds right when we think we’ve begun to do something good?

I have written many an encouraging word for others.  I have spoken of trials being fertile ground for our growth, that we are royal heirs in the Kingdom of God, empowered by the Holy Spirit Who gives us everything we need to live life for our Lord and King.  Yet, as many truths flow forth from my fingertips to the screen into the hearts of God’s children, I fear I have not yet taken these things to heart and applied them to my own life.

Oh, I talk a good game.   Passionate in my quest for others to take hold of the truths that have been set before me.  Receptive of the Word for others, but so often, disregarding its application to my own heart.  None of this is done at the conscious level at first.  I get caught up in the moment, in the rush of seeing another heart encouraged, and another soul moved closer towards their reward in Heaven.  

But, as I look in the mirror, do I own the reality of what I preach?  Do I honestly live out the life I so desire others to embrace?

I have battled depression for over 25 years.  So many days I feel like that demon has been exorcised from my spirit and I have found victory in the Lord.  Then, there are those other days where I can’t look myself in the mirror, I can’t see the purpose of my existence in the universe and I feel like the biggest hypocrite in the world.  I rail against myself and God as if I wasn’t the born-again believer that I am.  

We get in the way of our own ministry when we fall victim to the fallen nature of our flesh.  Not only does our flesh lie to us about what we need to be successful but it will tell us that we are not worthy of the Cross.  How often do I tell others that Christ would die all over again for them if they were the only human being on the planet?  Yet, I still find myself feeling so inadequate and doubting the very gifts that God has sown into me.

And, as I sit here, the answer is so clear.  Even as our trials and testing are appointed by God, even as they are within the purview of God’s omniscience, there does remain an enemy of our souls.  His first known attack was on the very confidence we have in God.  In Genesis 3:1, Satan, in the form of the serpent, said to Eve “Did God really say you must not eat the fruit from any of the trees in the garden?” (emphasis mine).  All he had to do was plant a seed of doubt.  What is doubt?  According to Professor Google, doubt is “a feeling of uncertainty or lack of conviction.”  Uncertainty is all it takes to cause us to call into question all that we know to be true.  Unless. . . .

Unless we are prepared.  Unless we are grounded.  Unless we are rooted so deeply in the Word of God that when the enemy whispers lies in our ear we can quickly discern and disarm them.  We have not been left to our own devices when it comes to defending what is true about ourselves.  We have been given the Armor of God – the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the helmet of salvation, the shoes of the Gospel of peace, the shield of faith, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the very Word of God (Ephesians 6:13-17).

At the end of the day, we will be battle-weary.  But, the difference between walking wounded and being utterly defeated lies in our dedication to learning from our Commanding Officer.  Our Lord Jesus did not send us in to battle without first walking the front-line himself.  He is and always will be our ultimate example of how to endure to the end.  Even in the Garden of Gethsemane, twice Jesus asked His Father to take the “cup of suffering” from Him.  Yet, He yielded His will to that of the Father for our benefit - so that you and I could believe on Him and be reconciled to our Creator.

No matter what I go through, no matter how much I rail against God, nothing can change the fact that I am His child.  What does need to change is how I respond when the enemy enters my mind and disrupts my spirit.  

As I sit and reflect upon that statement, the choice I must make is clear.  Even greater still is the focus of my attention and whether or not I have truly surrendered ALL of myself so that I may be complete in Jesus.  

And, as I have written before, the word “surrender” means so much more than just a white flag in the middle of a fight.  If we write it like this, “sUrrENDer,” then we see the words within the word, “U END.”

Doubt may be a tactic of the enemy, but what I realize is that an act of my own will and consciousness must bring me to at the point where “I END” and God begins.  Only I can answer that question before the Lord.  And, each one of us must do the same.

“Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross daily, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.”  Luke 9:23-24

Be Careful Where You Till (A Flourish Devotional)

As I walk my dogs each morning, I pass a rose bush. Earlier in the spring, the bush budded with coral blooms, a beautiful sight, indeed. However, a broadleaf weed began to grow at the base of the bush. As each week passed, the weed grew taller and my dislike for it grew with it. The weed is now taller than the rose bush by at least 2 feet and is almost as tall as I am.

To be quite honest, every time I pass it, I want to cut it down. Yet, I have a problem: the weed and the bush are growing in my neighbor's yard three houses down. Let me tell you, if they were in my yard, the weed wouldn't have survived a week.

One morning last week, I passed the odd combination of plants, and the Lord said to me, "It's not your weed to kill. Every plant, no matter how beautiful or distasteful, has its purpose in my Kingdom." I heard what He said, but I didn't want to receive it.

Curiosity drove me to the internet to find out just what this weed, a.k.a, plant, might be. I discovered that it is called "Common Mullein" and actually has a variety of medicinal purposes, among other things. As it happens, the taller it grows, the more beautiful it becomes, as small, yellow flowers begin to appear as it reaches its maximum height. In my mind, pretty flowers or not, it was still just an overgrown weed.

You can only imagine the mixed feelings that followed. "But, Lord," I said, "it's such an eyesore! Why do they let it grow like that? Won't it hurt the rosebush? I wish I could cut it down!" But, as He always does, the quiet whisper of the Holy Spirit came and changed my point of view.

You see, as we discovered earlier this week, "trials till the soil of our souls so that the seeds of faith fall on fertile ground and take root." However, your trials are not the same as mine and vice-versa. The journey to our growth is individual, not collective, although you and I may be receiving the same message. The important thing to remember is this: we cannot till land that does not belong to us.

Jesus likened our hearts to that of soil in Luke 8, the Parable of the Sower. We will pick it up in verse 11:

“This is the meaning of the parable: The seed is God’s word. The seeds that fell on the footpath represent those who hear the message, only to have the devil come and take it away from their hearts and prevent them from believing and being saved. The seeds on the rocky soil represent those who hear the message and receive it with joy. But since they don’t have deep roots, they believe for a while, then they fall away when they face temptation. The seeds that fell among the thorns represent those who hear the message, but all too quickly the message is crowded out by the cares and riches and pleasures of this life. And so they never grow into maturity. And the seeds that fell on the good soil represent honest, good-hearted people who hear God’s word, cling to it, and patiently produce a huge harvest. (Luke 8:11-15, NLT)

Most of us can quickly determine the nature of the soil of our own hearts. We'd like to say we are all "good soil." But, the reality is, many of us are still tilling our land, moving through trial after trial, ripping up weeds, planting new seeds and praying for growth.

I'd ask you to consider this, however: how many times have you looked at the trials in someone else's life and seen the hard ground, rocks, thorns and weeds? Have you felt like me and wanted to take charge of their lives and either turn them around or save them altogether?

You and I have no right to remove the obstacles in somebody else's life just because it makes us uncomfortable.

We are exhorted by the Apostle Paul, ". . . you must continually work out your own salvation with fear and trembling: for God is the One Who works in you, both to determine and to work, for His good pleasure.(Philippians 2:12b-13, The One New Man Bible, emphasis mine). My spiritual mama and counselor puts it like this: "Each one of us is working out his own salvation and deliverance." 

Just as Jesus likens our lives to the farmer's field, you and I can look at the landscape of our lives and realize that we have enough of our own tilling to do. We lack the time and energy to till someone else's. While it is important to come along side each other and lend a helping hand, ultimately, we are each responsible for the fruit in our lives. Only by walking with Jesus can we weather the storms, endure the trials and yield the harvest He has commissioned us to cultivate.

My point is this, whatever thorn or weed I see in my sister's life that makes me squirm and feel the need to remove, the reality is that she needs to work that ground with God, and I need to see her do it. Both of us will see the glory of God manifested in her life and the promise of His faithfulness fulfilled. We overcome by the "blood of the Lamb and the Word of our testimony" (Revelation 12:11). Sometimes, we need to allow the ones we love to endure pain, heartache, disappointment, sorrow, loss and devastation so that we all may rejoice in knowing that God is sovereign regardless of how ugly things look.

The Lord says to Hosea in Chapter 10, verse 12, "I said, ‘Plant the good seeds of righteousness, and you will harvest a crop of love. Plow up the hard ground of your hearts, for now is the time to seek the Lord, that he may come and shower righteousness upon you.’" (NLT)

There are two ways to look at this verse, as we close. First we can identify "the hard ground of our hearts" to be the rocks, thorns and weeds that are left in our lives by a prior generation, placed by our own actions and choices, or allowed to exist because God has something to teach us. 

However, I'd like you to focus on a different part of the verse, "for now is the time to seek the Lord, that he may come and shower righteousness upon you."

The thought I'd like to leave you with is this:  The trials in our lives are appointed by God. There is no hair on your head that He does not know (Luke 12:7), nor is there a trial or challenge in your life that is unforeseen (Jeremiah 1:5, Ephesians 1:4). God chooses when to allow the trials in our lives because He is ready to do a work in us. There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1), so do not misunderstand me. Your path, your journey, your purpose, is entirely ordained and orchestrated by your Father in Heaven, to include when and where He chooses to grow you. 

As I said before, you and I can choose how we will receive the trials in our lives. We can allow our ground to remain hardened, full of fear, bitterness, unforgiveness and the heavy stones of unrepented sin. We can allow the thorns and weeds to grow, as improper thinking, willful ignorance and inappropriate relationships choke out the good seed that has been sown into our lives. 

Or, we can embrace the love of the Father, as He uses trials, purposely and carefully crafted, to grow our character, secure our foundation and allow the seeds of faith to flourish.

The Price of Growth (Declare - A Flourish Weekly Devotional)

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For the last couple of months, I have felt a deep stirring in my soul. It's hard to put into words, but it is like the rising tide of the ocean, slowly and steadily increasing from within. I sense it more acutely with each message I hear at church, each powerful believer I encounter, and most of all, as I spend time with the Lord.

Yet, as the tide ebbs and flows, I begin to realize that there is so much more within my reach. So many times it feels like God is calling to me, yet the voice is distant. I feel His presence, the warmth of His Spirit, and in an instant, it gives way to the cold of the world around me.

Perhaps you have felt like this on occasion. Perhaps you feel this way now. You may be wondering why this feeling takes hold of you at all.

That beckoning, that yearning, that pulls us into faith in the unseen is called growth. As our dear Flourish friend, Helen Baker, wrote, "Flourishing has everything to do with where we are planted and with our response to God during the good and bad times." Helen spoke of several Biblical heroes who grew in their faith through pain and heartache.

Growth comes at a price: the enduring of trials.

James 1:2-5 tells us:

“Don’t run from tests and hardships, brothers and sisters. As difficult as they are, you will ultimately find joy in them; if you embrace them, your faith will blossom under pressure and teach you true patience as you endure. And true patience brought on by endurance will equip you to complete the long journey and cross the finish line—mature, complete, and wanting nothing. If you don’t have all the wisdom needed for this journey, then all you have to do is ask God for it; and God will grant all that you need. He gives lavishly and never scolds you for asking.” (The Voice)

(click image to download printable scripture card)

According to the One New Man Bible, "A trial is a heavenly test that forces a person to choose between God's will and his own nature or understanding of what is right. By standing in faith, we serve as witnesses to the world of His power working through us."

Most of us shy away from any kind of test, spiritual or otherwise. We fear failure or exhibiting sub-par performance. I might be the odd woman out here, but tests in school came easily for me because I liked to study. I was "that" student (a.k.a. "the nerd"). Tests were the easy part of school for me. However, not everyone around me felt the same. I'd venture to say that a fear of failure was due to lack of preparedness or misplaced focus.

Isn't our daily walk with Jesus the same? Life's ebbs and flows cannot be predicted, but you and I can be prepared for them. It's an open book test! Yet, so many of us feel like failures because we are not studying the material. It is the heart of Flourish to teach you the methods and practices of getting in the Word each day,  born out of a desire to see your life transformed. Our hope is to see you experience the joy of growing in the midst of the trials you face:

“You should greatly rejoice in what is waiting for you, even if now for a little while you have to suffer various trials. Suffering tests your faith which is more valuable than gold (remember that gold, although it is perishable, is tested by fire) so that if it is found genuine, you can receive praise, honor, and glory when Jesus the Anointed, our Liberating King, is revealed at last.” (1 Peter 1:6-7, The Voice)

As we grow more secure in our identity in Christ, a transformation takes place. We become unsettled and uncomfortable in situations where we once felt content or indifferent. Our entertainment choices change; how we speak, think and act changes, and our circle of friends changes as well. We are moved to action where we once stood as bystanders, and we begin to question our old patterns and habits.

Trials till the soil of our souls so that the seeds of faith fall on fertile ground and take root. The Spirit of God waters those seeds, giving them the nourishment they need to grow deep and strong. Robust roots give us the strength we need to endure the hard times.

God gave me Jeremiah 17:7-8 as my life verse, and I believe that it sums up what my heart wishes to convey:

“But blessed is the one who trusts in Me alone; the Eternal will be his confidence.

He is like a tree planted by water, sending out its roots beside the stream.

It does not fear the heat or even drought.

Its leaves stay green and its fruit is dependable, no matter what it faces.” (The Voice)

Helen shared Psalm 92:12-15, which precedes Jeremiah, but speaks of the same rooting in the Lord:

"The righteous flourish like the palm tree and grow like a cedar in Lebanon. They are planted in the house of the LORD; they flourish in the courts of our God. They still bear fruit in old age; they are ever full of sap and green, to declare that the LORD is upright; he is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in him."(ESV)

Tests will come -- it's a given. But you and I have the opportunity to change our perspective about going through them. We can choose to grumble and fight against all that God is teaching us, or we can embrace the winds of change and choose to grow in the Light of the Son, receiving the sweet rain of mercy and grace from Heaven:

“And that’s not all. We also celebrate in seasons of suffering because we know that when we suffer we develop endurance, which shapes our characters. When our characters are refined, we learn what it means to hope and anticipate God’s goodness.” (Romans 5:3-4, The Voice)

In Him,

Embracing the Proverbs 31 Princess - even if she's tardy. . .

I had the honor and pleasure of following up the concepts of the Proverbs 31 Princess for the ladies of Flourish.  Additionally, they allowed me to speak about how the Lord developed this concept in me via a video interview.  I've just taken a little too long to post it.  Be sure to visit their website!  You are sure to be encouraged!

Should you feel so inclined to watch you can view the video here.

The article can be read below (and found here):

Embracing the Proverbs 31 princess

Earlier this week, we discovered that we are royalty. I pray that you have been able to meditate on and embrace this truth and your spirit has rejoiced! While we focused on Psalm 45:10, there is ample Scripture to verify that indeed our spiritual lineage is that of a royal family line.

1 Peter 2:9 tells us, “But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession.” (NLT).

Isaiah 62:3 says “You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the LORD, and a royal diadem in the hand of your God.” (ESV).

And finally, 1 Timothy 6:15 declares that our triune God is “. . . the blessed and only almighty God, the King of all kings and Lord of all lords.” (NLT)

For many, accepting that we are a Proverbs 31 Princess is an act of faith, in and of itself. It’s contrary to the way we think. The majority of us have never been told that we are royalty, let alone that we’re worthy, beautiful, intelligent, and so-on.

Ladies, it’s time to see ourselves differently! You and I must take hold of the fact that God’s children are not like everyone else. We aren’t supposed to be! Deuteronomy 14:2 tells us, “You have been set apart as holy to the Lord your God, and he has chosen you from all the nations of the earth to be his own special treasure.” (NLT)

Still, just as our five Disney princesses yearned for affirmation of who they were on the inside, we must seek that affirmation from God in His Word. Being a princess can be a wonderful thing, but if you don’t know who you are without the crown, the crown has no worth.

In the early part of 2016, I personally wrestled with this truth. To be honest, I still struggle. I have the knowledge of who I am, Who my Father is and in Whose image I was created, but living that out proves to be difficult at times. It takes daily effort to remind myself who I truly am and not allow the world to define me.

As we dig a little deeper into our truth, I’d like to share with you some excerpts from a blog post I wrote last year:

“If you are anything like me, you want to be more than you are. We are always comparing ourselves to another woman who seems to have it all together. What we don’t see is that none of us really has it all together. Impeccably dressed, well-manicured, flawless makeup, charming children and handsome husbands all seem to indicate a perfect family life. But, we’ve all heard the cliché, ‘You can’t judge a book by its cover.’”

Behind all the outward perfection, there is likely to be a woman who is a complete and utter mess. Beautiful jars on the outside, but shattered pieces on the inside. Many of us don’t want to admit it, but we feel like failures for failing to live up to what we perceive should be the epitome of womanhood. We are a far cry from the woman whom we are called to be.

Many of us struggle with the notion of the Proverbs 31 Woman. I know I do. I have often thought that she was a woman of myth, a fictional character that could never materialize in the here and now. Even ladies of days past strove for the perfection that we have come to believe the Proverbs 31 woman exemplifies.What we fail to see is that the Proverbs 31 Woman is built into our DNA. We just have to learn how to tap into her.

It has been my own unwillingness to embrace that which is within me that has caused me to fail.

In my quiet time I asked God to help me understand. He told me this:

“Your worth is not measured by your ability to cook or clean. Your worth is measured at the Cross. I know you by your name. Not the dirt and the grime. But, I have called you to a purpose. To love Me above all else and follow My commandments. In loving Me, you will find your true worth measured by the cost of My Son’s very life, given for you.

“In serving Me, you will find joy, hope, peace, contentment and affirmation in knowing that you have pleased Me. Your family will feel loved and cared for. You are My vessel through which I can care for My son and My little child. I can perform many miracles, but I still need you to see that you are here on purpose; for such a time as this. . . .

“Do you see? You are more than what you believe yourself to be. . . . You are more than what you see in the mirror. You are more than what you see around you. Take hold of your destiny and purpose in ME first and the desires of your heart will be fulfilled.”

My dear friends, our lives must be a reflection of the One Who created us. We find ways to reject this truth, citing a traumatic childhood, failed relationships, negative influences and a myriad of other excuses. And, the crux of the matter is that I can share Scripture upon Scripture with you, but if you don’t desire to know who truly you are and reject the Word as it is given, it will be like seed scattered on rocky ground.

You and I have been given so much more than a magic pumpkin turned coach or a charming prince to woo us.

No, our Prince gave His very life for us at Calvary’s Cross to ensure our place in God’s kingdom was secured. Our worth can be seen in the nail-scarred hands of the One who loves us beyond measure. Ephesians 1:4 tells us that “Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes.” (NLT)

Proverbs 31:10-31 provides with a model for being a Christian woman. This woman is set in the context of the culture of that time, but you and I can still aspire to be called “virtuous and capable.” Living in the modern age does not disqualify us nor does it nullify her. As I said earlier this week, it doesn’t matter what season of life you are in, you are the embodiment of the Proverbs 31 Princess.

God gave me a list of attributes that the Proverbs 31 woman exemplifies. They are not merely adjectives, but qualities which can truly become our identity. I created a word art printable that I would like to share with you.

Place it in a prominent place so you can encourage yourself when you don’t feel like you measure up. Feel free to share the printable with others as you partner together with sisters in your walk.

As we come to a close, my prayer for you is simply this: Embrace who you are.You are not defined by your past hurts or mistakes. You are not defined by your family strongholds. You are not defined by your career or your financial status.

You are precious. (Isaiah 43:4)

You are unique. (Psalm 139:14)

You are favored. (Proverbs 8:35)

You are called. (2 Timothy 1:9)

You are redeemed. (Isaiah 43:1)

You are loved. (John 3:16)

So, wear your crown with dignity. Serve the Lord with excellence, using the unique gifts and talents He has given you in the season and position to which you are called. Dress your heart with the royal robes of the Father’s love and embrace your status as the Daughter of the Most High King.

In His service,

Download a beautiful printable copy of the Proverbs 31 attributes HERE.

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