I used to think that depression was just a form of emotional stress. I then learned that it has to do with chemical imbalances and other physiological sources. But, I have learned that there is another component to it as well – something deeper, more powerful and potentially deadly. It’s a spirit sent to distract, tranquilize and ultimately kill.
While this may sound a bit melodramatic, let me just start by saying I’ve been dealing with depression since I was a child. Like many, I was a victim of sexual abuse at a young age, which lead to many other complicated emotions and personality traits. I did not know it was considered abuse at the time, as I was six and my abuser was still yet a child himself at nine. Yet, the black cloud that followed me from that moment on brought heavy seasons of pain, guilt and depression on and off throughout my life.
We used to treat depression in Christians as taboo, almost as if it was spiritually impossible to believe in God and yet still feel down and out. In recent years, both believers and non-believers alike medicate their emotions with prescriptions, holistic alternatives, and unfortunately, other self-directed methods that drive a person further down the emotional black hole.
Regardless of what psychologists and psychiatrists say, we cannot solve a spiritual problem with man-made solutions. Our healing comes from deep within us, but only when we have tapped into the supernatural love and grace that was placed in us by our Creator.
Let me get real and raw for a minute. Depression, anxiety and mental illness is a spiritual stronghold in my family. It’s roots run deep and we have been unsuccessful in ridding our land of this curse. It has caused me to think terrible thoughts, thoughts that lend themselves to leaving this life. As disturbing as those thoughts are, I know that is not what God has planned for me. Nonetheless, the depression runs deep and seems to control me when life has seemed to beat me down. But, I’m beginning to realize that I have been looking at this all wrong. What I see as a persistent black cloud of pain, the Lord sees as a source of renewing rain.
I believe I have mentioned before that I have learned that our lives are our land. You and I have been allotted our own pieces of real estate in the scope of God’s Kingdom. My responsibility is to tend to my plot - ripping up my own weeds, tilling the soil, and spreading the seed. I’m not to interfered with another’s plot unless I am directed to do so by the Lord. I certainly can’t remove any of their weeds, because even weeds serve a purpose. But, what about that rain?
We can say that the rain comes from the tears we shed during the trials we face. Yet, I believe I am learning that isn’t always the case. The rain comes once we have hit rock bottom, cry out to the Lord in true surrender and He releases the Living Water upon our soil to renew our souls.
That black cloud you think that has been following you, bringing you pain and heartache, is really the fullness of God’s mercy, waiting to be released upon the dry land of your heart. We cannot loose the blessings of Heaven on earth if we continue to hold fast to the sin that binds us. Whether it be simple and seemingly harmless or over the top, sin is sin and it separates us from our Father in Heaven. His heart is to bless us, to see us flourish and grow and draw others to Himself through us. Yes, even in the desert, He is present and He longs to shower us with His mercy. Our job is to surrender ourselves to His will.
Surrender is more than just a white flag. It’s more than just giving up and caving in. Surrender to God is allowing the end of ourselves to give way to a new beginning in Him. Sometimes we have to get to that end, to feeling downcast, desperate, on the brink of giving up altogether. David felt that way. In Psalm 43:5, we read “Why am I so depressed? Why this turmoil within me? Put your hope in God, for I will still praise Him, my Savior and my God.” (HCSB).
Yes, I will put my hope in God. What others may mean for evil, God will use for good. (Genesis 50:20, Romans 8:28). In my weakest moments, when I am looking up for answers and I see that black cloud following me, I will sing praises to my Lord and King, and lift my hands to receive the glorious renewing rain that has been stored up just for me.
"Ask rain from the LORD at the time of the spring rain-- The LORD who makes the storm clouds; And He will give them showers of rain, vegetation in the field to each man." Zechariah 10:1 (NASB)
