I. DO. EXIST

I don't know about you, but so many times, I wonder if my life matters.  Sure, I know I've won friends and influenced people, but to whom do I really matter?  How many times have I questioned myself, my motives and why I am here?  Haven't we all questioned?  Do we ever get an answer?  And, if we get one, did it really make us feel any better?

So many cliché thoughts come to mind.  "You are here for reason."  "Your family and friends depend on you."  "God has a purpose for your life."  It's so easy to recount them and to regurgitate them to others.  But, do these statements really reach that empty place deep inside us?  Do they fill that place where we desire acknowledgement, recognition and validation?  For a time, perhaps, but they do not soothe the deep yearning in our souls for a measure of our true worth.

This afternoon, I was speaking with my counselor and she asked me to explain to her my understanding of Divine Order.  I was quick to answer:  "God.  My husband.  My kids.  . . "  She stopped me before I could go any further.  "You left yourself out."  Huh?  That was an interesting statement.  I left myself out?  "When you left yourself out, it was like you didn't exist."  Oh, wow.  Something struck deep within me.  All I could say is "Wow."

So, how do you respond to such a statement?  First of all, it's not "just" a statement.  It's a revelation.  It reveals a very important omission in my thinking.  Mull it over. . .not only did I omit myself from the list of priorities, I omitted myself from existence!  Aren't we all prone to doing such a thing?  We think we need to put others first, so we don't include ourselves as part of the equation.  She said it again, "It was like you didn't exist."  Now, I won't go into the depths of my conversation with her, for we explored this subject for quite some time.  But, the crux of it all was this - my life matters - far more than I could or will ever fathom.

Think about it this way. . . God created all things, right?  ALL.  What does that mean?  ALL.  It's overwhelmingly inclusive.  There is nothing, no one thing, that does not have His fingerprints all over it.  Not only that, each of us was a forethought.  We didn't just appear by happenstance, though many would argue that fact.  God knew when we would make our appearance in His creation.  And, we didn't show up in the wrong generation, either.  He chose each of us for such a time as this.  He didn't choose my grandmother, my mother, my brother or my daughter.  He chose ME.  NOW.  In this time and place. God knew before He spoke the world into being that this day of my revelation and conviction would come.  He knew that I would finally be ready to receive the knowledge and power and strength that only comes through His Holy Spirit.  He chose to show Himself to me - today.

So, what exactly am I talking about?  Let me try to explain.  In all of creation, God has placed a Divine Order.  He set it before Adam and Eve in His beloved garden.  What exactly is His Divine Order?  God first, man as husband, and woman, as wife.  Then, children, family and all else follow suit.  You may be thinking to yourself at this point that this doesn't add up.  Life doesn't work that way!  No, it doesn't.  But that doesn't mean it's not designed to work that way.  Think about it, whom did God create in His image first?  Adam.  Who was created from the bone of Adam?  Eve.  God first, then man, then woman.   Not long after that, they were commissioned by God to take their place as stewards over all His creation.  Responsibility and accountability followed and they lived in harmony with God and each other.  But, then, the "terrible lie" set in and Adam and Eve ate the fruit from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.  We all know what happened, right?  Well, do we?  Do we really understand what we lost with that sinful bite? 

Not only did we lose our place in the garden, but we lost our identity.  Satan told Eve she would be like God and suddenly feeling unsure about what God really said, she took a bite of the forbidden fruit as she sought to find a new validation of herself.  And, with that bite, humankind lost sight of who it really was. 

You see, when the "terrible lie" entered into the world, humankind stopped caring about what life was like with God and started to look outward for significance.   Humankind turned to violence,  selfishness, and all manner of tactics to try to find meaning and purpose to life.  The story has not changed since that fateful day in the garden.  We still search outwardly for validation of our existence through any means necessary - addiction, people-pleasing, overcompensation and even bullying.  We hide from God in our depression, anger, condemnation and guilt.  None of those things bring glory to the very One who breathed life into our being.  Our very attempts to find our worth in other things only leave us empty, yearning and hollow.

"It was like you didn't exist."  Omitting myself from Divine Order revealed an error in my thinking.  As my counselor continued to explain this new concept to me, my mind went back to the church service this morning.  Our pastor wove his message into clips from the old classic movie, "It's A Wonderful Life."  While his message was potent and powerful, I considered what happened after George wished he had never been born.  Think about this with me for a moment.  George was in the presence of an angel when he made his wish.  After his wish was granted and all traces of his life were removed from existence, no one knew him.  In my mind, however, I was looking from a different angle, a different depth, if you will.  See if you can follow me. . . Not only did they not know him, they didn't see him.  If they had known him, they would have seen him in his struggles, in his pain.  Are you with me yet?  No one saw his worth, his impact, his potential.  No one saw him. . . but God did.  Ah.  Now do you see?  No one saw, but God.  God, the Father, the Creator of the universe and all within it, sees us.  He sees you. He sees me.  I do exist.  And, so do you.

In the darkest hours of night, in the deepest depths of our soul, God sees us.  We cannot hide from our Creator.  And, in all honesty, why do we want to?  Do we really escape our responsibility and accountability when we deny our own existence?  We were created with intent. We were created with purpose.  We were created to reflect the One that made us and bring Him honor and glory and praise.  How can I do that if I don't acknowledge myself in His Divine Order?  Not only do I exist, but I exist with purpose.  I have a place in God's Divine Order, and not just in my family, but to all who cross my path for God is glorified in me! My worth is not based on anything other than who I am in God.  John 14:20 says, ” In that day you will know that I am in My Father, you are in Me, and I am in you." (HCSB).  Not just Jesus in me, but me in Jesus!  Do you realize what that means???

I. DO. EXIST.  YOU. DO. EXIST.  We don't have to deny ourselves our true value and worth.  We don't have to pretend that we don't matter when we yearn for acknowledgement of our contribution to the world.  We DO matter.  We matter so much that God gave His only begotten Son to reclaim us, save us from eternal separation from Him.  If I was the only human on Earth, Jesus still would have given His life to restore me to my Father in Heaven.   Yes, I am that important.  And, I'm not going to pretend I'm not.

The world may look at me like I'm selfish, petty and a snob.  They have every right to their opinion.  But, I know who I am.  I am the Daughter of the Most High King.  I am  a Daughter of Zion,  a daughter of Sarah.  My life does matter.  My worth does not lie in the treasures of this world, save for the seeds I sow into those around me for the glory of my Father in Heaven.  I may not always get it right, as a matter of fact, I can promise you I won't.  Regardless, I don't need man's empty praise (or criticism for that matter) to help me find my worth.  I'll admit, it's nice to have it when it's genuine. But, in the end, what truly matters is that my Father SEES me as the beautiful life He created. . . one with value, purpose and calling.

He sees you as well.  The question is, do you see yourself?

Want to know more about my Jesus?  Click here to meet Him.