"Broken"
adjective bro·ken \ˈbrō-kən\
: separated into parts or pieces by being hit, damaged, etc.
: not working properly
: not kept or honored[1]
Broken. Ponder that word for a minute. What does it mean to be broken? Have we ever really looked at that word? It's definition seems so simple if we apply it to an object or a promise.
But, what does it really mean to be broken? Have you ever lived in that place? What does brokenness look like? I can tell you. I used to live there.
Twenty-two months ago, almost to the day, I was broken. Not just broken, but shattered. My heart in a million pieces, I walked out of my house, said goodbye to my then six-year old daughter, and just walked away. I turned my cell phone location services off and then on again. I turned the cell phone off and on again. Tears streaming down my face, all I could think of was does my daughter know how much I love her? Will they tell her? Will he, speaking of my husband, equally in a place of brokenness, tell her that I love her? I just walked and cried. My heart cried out to God, who seemed so far away. My body moved forward towards the local hospital, the only destination I could focus on that could possibly bring me healing. I texted my husband. I called my best friend, whom I could not immediately reach. Moved forward by desperation, I walked 4.3 miles before my husband finally came to pick me up. And, the sight of my precious daughter running out to me sent my grief deeper into my soul. Numbly, I walked back to the van and climbed in. Soon, my best friend called and before I knew it, she was sitting in my living room and then I was sitting in the emergency room on a 72-hour mandatory psychiatric hold. I don't remember how long it was before the social worker, larger than life on the television screen before me, released me to her care. As I walked out with her, all I knew was that I didn't know what would happen next and I felt nothing but despair.
The one conscious thought I had was to make a phone call to my husband's best friend. I thought I was calling for my husband, to ensure someone was there for him. But little did I know how that one phone call would be the beginning of a journey that I can describe as nothing short of miraculous. The door to the Ministry Of Miracles was opening to me and I didn't even know it.
Our dear friend followed in obedience and made a phone call. This phone call lead to my husband making a phone call, then another. And, finally, the instruction came to me. "I want you to pray about when, not if, you are going to call Bari. When, Michelle, not if. Rob has already spoken to her. She would like to speak to you, too." I agreed to pray, nothing more. It's all I could agree to. Yet, praying seemed so shallow and fruitless.
But, oh, my Father in Heaven still heard. He heard the prayers of my husband and our friends and my first call was made two days later on a Saturday night. "How are you feeling, Michelle?" said a cheerful, but confident voice on the other end of the line. "Anxious," I said. "No, you aren't feeling anxious. You're feeling dread." How did she know? It was like she could look through the phone directly into my soul. I tried to shrink further into myself, arms crossed and on the defensive. But, something pulled me out of that posture. Someone. Not just the voice on the other end of the line, but Someone bigger than the two of us. SURRENDER. I will never forget writing that word, while laying on my stomach like a teenager, and smiling and laughing. A new work had begun and my world started to change.
Today, I walk in liberty. I stand tall as a Daughter of Zion, a Daughter of the Most High King, a Daughter of Destiny. But this is not just any destiny. It is a powerful, purpose-filled Destiny that was created before the Earth was formed and my heart existed to possess it. Today I am rooted in the Living Water that gives me life, the very breath I breathe given to me by the Holy Spirit, poured out over the hours upon hours of counsel, instruction and revelation through the Ministry Of Miracles' principle, Bari. Strongholds have been broken. I no longer live with a shattered heart. The chains that once bound me lie scattered behind me. No longer an empty vessel, the clay from which I was formed has been reshaped and renewed and it now holds the blessings of being raised up and out of captivity. The scales have long since been removed my eyes and I walk in the light of God's perfect love, perfected in His righteousness, only made possible by Jesus' death and resurrection. Words simply are not adequate to describe the healing that has mended the broken places in my life.
Oh, but the blessings were not reserved just for me. My husband has received counsel and instruction and walks in greater freedom than ever before. My daughter instantly bonded to Bari and grows closer to God with each passing day. Gone are the damaged places that kept us in bondage. Hearts and minds that were once under oppression and not working properly, freed and full of life and joy. No longer are we wounded, living in a fog, feeling dishonored, for we live in the reality of the blessing and honor we receive as children of our loving Heavenly Father.
Romans 8:9 - 17 says:
"But you, you do not identify with your old nature but with the Spirit - provided the Spirit of God is living inside you, for anyone who doesn't have the Spirit of the Messiah doesn't belong to him. However, if the Messiah is in you, then, on the one hand, the body is dead because of sin; but, on the other hand, the Spirit is giving life because God considers you righteous. And if the Spirit of the One who raised Yeshua from the dead is living in you, then the One who raised the Messiah Yeshua from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit living in you. So then, brothers, we don't owe a thing to our old nature that would require us to live according to our old nature. For if you live according to your old nature, you will certainly die; but if, by the Spirit, you keep putting to death the practices of the body, you will live. All who are led by God's Spirit are God's sons. For you did not receive a spirit of slavery to bring you back again into fear; on the contrary, you received the Spirit, who makes us sons and by whose power we cry out, "Abba!" (that is, "Dear Father!"). The Spirit himself bears witness with our own spirits that we are children of God; and if we are children, then we are also heirs, heirs of God and joint-heirs with the Messiah - provided we are suffering with him in order also to be glorified with him."[2]
Let's go back to that word, "broken." Brokenness can be and is used by God. Brokenness is necessary to the process of restoration. Without being broken, we do not see the hidden places where anger, shame, bitterness, pain and sin hide. Only when we are broken, can something new and beautiful be revealed. A diamond's brilliance is not revealed until it has been broken from the layers of rock around it. On the outside it is ugly and course, but once revealed and refined, we see it for what it really is - beautiful and precious. Are we not God's precious jewels, born into an ugly and sinful world? Reread Romans 8:9-17. We are precious in the eyes of our Abba, Father, who sent His only Son to die a brutal death but was raised from the dead by the Holy Spirit to give us new life. This new life must be born out of the brokenness that exists deep within our souls, the very brokenness that serves as the fertile ground on which the Holy Spirit cultivates and develops the roots that connect us to the Vine and sustains our lives.
Our blessings came not in place of, but because of and through the brokenness. I needed to be broken for the Father to bring me to the Ministry Of Miracles. I needed to be broken further in order to break free of the chains that bound me to the pain of my past. The deepening bond of my heart to the Father's through the firm, yet gentle voice of Bari had to (and continues to) come as the Holy Spirit works in the depths of my soul through our calls. And, oh, the overflowing joy! The laughter and sharing as the Lord healed the hidden places in my husband and me over the last twenty-two months are beautiful and precious. A song born in my daughter's heart, resonates within me as I reflect upon how even she has been reshaped and renewed though so young.
There is no shame in being broken. For it is only when we are broken and humbled that we become teachable. And, when we are teachable, the yearning in our souls is satisfied with the manna from Heaven, the Word made flesh, Jesus. We can then enter His courts with praise and sing "Holy, holy, holy is ADONAI, God of heaven's armies the One who was, who is and who is coming!" (Revelation 4:8).[3]
Walk through the door. The Father is waiting. The Spirit is drawing. The Ministry Of Miracles is the Ministry of the Miraculous. I am living proof. And, I praise Him with all that I am.
For more information on the Ministry of Miracles, please visit www.ministryofmiracles.org.
[1] http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/broken
[2] http://www.biblestudytools.com/cjb/romans/8.html
[3] http://www.biblestudytools.com/cjb/revelation/4.html
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