A leopard and her spots. . .

Have you ever heard the expression "A leopard can't change its spots?"  I've heard it.  I even heard it in a counseling session once.  It does make one ponder.  . . if I am a new creation in Christ, can I change my spots?  Should I try?  Let me elaborate.

I've been married to my wonderful husband for just two weeks shy of 14 years.  We've been together for 16.  Admittedly, we've been through 4 rounds of marriage counseling.  We call it "maintenance."  You would think by now, that we would have accepted some things about each other as part of our inherent nature - traits we've inherited from our parents or that we've developed over the years.  However, every now and then, truth rears its, for lack of a better term, ugly head.

I've never claimed to be the best housekeeper in the world.  Just the opposite, in fact.  My mother actually discouraged me from doing housework because I never met her standards.  (Enter tiny violin music).  Yes, we've all suffered from parental inadequacy syndrome from one time or another.  I've  seemed to let it linger.  Our home, more often than not, suffers from CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome).  It drives my husband crazy!  Part of the problem is we don't really have a place for everything.  We're trying to rectify that with the basement endeavor that has never really gotten off the ground.  The other problem is largely due to lack of priorities.  I can't own all of the responsibility, because I honestly believe it's the responsibility of all persons (even K's) to take care of the house.  Yet, I often fall into the trap of believing that I am solely to blame.

You see, the enemy is a tricky fellow.  1 Peter 5:8 tells us, "Be sober, be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking some one to devour."  [Revised Standard Version]  I believe that the enemy uses us against each other.  As a woman, as I believe all women fall in this category, I particularly fall prey to the lies that get whispered in my ear.  "You're never going to get it right."  "He's asking too much of you."  "You know you can't do that. . you can't change, overcome, satisfy, etc. . . . "  And, because of our human nature, we yearn to assign a human voice and face to that whisper of a lie.  So, we assign it to the person most likely to say it.  For me, it's my husband.  Oh, and how easy is it to believe that his anger and his frustration are truly targeted at my competency, or lack thereof, to accomplish any task.    The line is so thin, like walking on a piece of fine thread, that it's almost impossible to discern who or what to believe.

I admit it.  I avoid housework.  I dislike it very much.  I'll do it, but oftentimes I wait until I've pushed my own limits, and in the process, have far overstepped those of my husband.  I allow myself to get lost in my sewing projects and computer nonsense so avoid the painful truth that my house needs to be taken care of.  In essence, I become the failure and inadequate homemaker that the enemy has led me to believe I am.  And, in the process, I've seriously offended my husband.

So, how do I fight back,  especially, when the words that come from my spouse,  hurt like barbs shot from across the room?  I could give you the church answer.  And, many of you are already thinking that quotes from Scripture can soothe my injured spirit.  But, the truth is, words hurt.  I believe that tonight I heard, "I've been waiting for you to change and I've given up."  And, in giving up, he just leaves the mess to grow and for me to fix it and then when it's not fixed, he get angry. Have you ever felt that way?  It doesn't have to be in a marital relationship. It doesn't even have to be about housework.   It can happen in any kind of relationship, over anything.  You leave a little something to be dealt with later.  Someone puts something else on top of it.  The pattern continues and continues until one of you explodes and the other is left going "What happened?"  Words fly, feelings get hurt and then both are left wounded and searching for answers when the question that begs to be asked is, "What led to this?"

So, I'm left with my original question.  Can a leopard change her spots?  Sure, if you want to dye her hair.  But, what exactly are we trying to change about ourselves?  Lord knows that habits are hard to change and we all have a least 10 books on our shelves on how to get organized, study our Bible more or some way or another to get our act together.  I suppose it has to come from deep within.  It has to be God-driven.  It has to be prayer-driven.  And, we can't ask God to change anyone but ourselves.

But, let me make something clear -  I don't want to change my spots - the inherent characteristics that make me who I am.  But, there are habits that I want to change.  Most of which would make my husband a happier person.   The perplexing problem I face is which step to take first.  And, the steps I take are, let me rephrase, must, be baby steps.  Again, it has to be God-driven.  Yes, I want to please my husband.  But, ultimately, I must first please my Lord and Savior.  Oy!  Talk about stress.  Praise His Holy Name that His mercies are new every day.  And, my prayer is that someway, somehow, I will make some progress, despite myself and my CHAOS.  In the end, what's more important - a super-clean house or a balanced-life?  It's a no-brainer, in my eyes.  I must find balance.  I just know that a clean house has to be part of the equation.

How 'bout you?  Do you need to change something in your life?  If so, just be sure you aren't changing who you are - as Christ has defined you;  just don't go changing your spots.  =)