Struggling to breathe. . .

Have you ever had a cold, asthma, or some type of upper respiratory illness? Well, I have recently developed some type of breathing problem. I'm not sure the root cause of the problem. I've surmised it might be the dust in my house (I'm allergic to dust mites), the dry air from running the heater or a possible illness. I know I feel better when I soak in the cool air from outside. But, that isn't practical on a regular basis. It could make me feel worse in the end.

I've been pondering how this correlates to my spiritual and emotional life. There is a band called Tenth Avenue North, and their latest album is entitled "The Struggle." Their music speaks to me on so many levels, but I won't bore you with the details. There are two songs that particularly speak to me right now. One, entitled "The Struggle," contains the following lyrics:

There's a wreckage, 

There's a fire

There's a weakness in my love

There's a hunger I can't control

Lord, I falter and I fall down

Then I hold on to the chains You broke

When You came and saved my soul

Save my soul

(Chorus)

Hallelujah

We are free to struggle

We're not struggling to be free

Your blood bought and

Makes us children

Children, drop your chains and sing

So why, Lord, do I still fail

Do I wear thin

Why do I still give in to temptation

On my own, I am bankrupt

I don't trust You or take You at Your word

What You've promised

Chorus

Hallelujah, death is overcome

And we are breathing

Hallelujah, our stone hearts become

Flesh that's beating

Hallelujah, chains have been undone

And we are singing

Hallelujah, the fire has begun

Can you feel it

(X2)

Chorus

The other song, "Worn,":

I'm tired 

I'm worn 

My heart is heavy

From the work it takes to keep on breathing

I've made mistakes 

I've let my hope fail

My soul feels crushed

By the weight of this world

And I know that you can give me rest

So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that's dead inside can be reborn

Cause I'm worn

I know I need 

To lift my eyes up

But I'm too weak

Life just won't let up

And I know that You can give me rest

So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that's dead inside can be reborn

Cause I'm worn

And my prayers are wearing thin

I'm worn even before the day begins

I'm worn I've lost my will to fight

I'm worn so heaven come and flood my eyes 

Let me see redemption win

Let me know the struggle ends

That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise

From the ashes of a broken life

And all that's dead inside can be reborn

Yes all that's dead inside will be reborn

Though I'm worn 

Yeah I'm worn

Both of these songs speak to me because they say what I sometimes cannot. "Lord, 'I'm tired, I'm worn. .' I'm struggling to breathe!" It's so easy to make a New Year's Resolution and say "I'm going to read my Bible more" or "I'm going to . . . " you fill in the blank. Sometimes just getting out of bed is an accomplishment in and of itself! And, I have an almost five-year old to take care of!

The truth of the matter is that we all struggle. Some days are better than others. One day I'm ready to tackle the challenges on the road before me and the next I feel beaten down and yes, worn. I think we sometimes are afraid to admit that we, as Christians, feel just like non-Christians do. We feel pain, experience suffering, grief, depression and the gamut of emotions that we were made to feel. Jesus experienced all that we have, do and will experience. It's the primary reason He came to us as a lowly babe in a manger. To live among us and be able to tell us, "I get it. I've been there, too." But, He's done more than that. He's conquered it all - and has the power to guide us towards the right direction. The path where the air is clear and the burdens are light. Oh, how I long for a walk with my Jesus!

Only He can give us rest, just as the guys in Tenth Avenue North remind us in their songs. Though we struggle with all we have, even to the point of struggling to breathe, and He will not only give us rest and replace our heavy burdens with His yoke of peace, He will literally give us the very breath of life. He already has, you know. His Holy Spirit lives in those who have accepted Him as their Savior. He is that still small voice calling to us among the chaos. We, I, yearn to hear Him more clearly. I just need to take the time to listen.

Sometimes we all just need a little reminder and I guess my writing is my way of airing out what ails me and finding my own answers. I've always done that. Writing is cathartic. I just hope to those of you ready, you are somehow blessed by my ramblings. My only am is to encourage and edify - and allow the Holy Spirit to speak to and through me as He leads. It's been interesting so far. What do you think?